‘Clean up your act.’ - DA

This is a post is about being ass-ready. And being ass-ready is the sine qua non of relationships. Now, if this blog weren’t called These Streets, I wouldn’t go there; but, since it is…

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Act I. First Thing’s First

Never think you’re one of the boys. Women need extra care when it comes to intimacy. And if you understand that his nose, mouth, hands and ‘the main attraction’ will be in lots of different places for (hopefully) a long time, you’ll want to make sure you are ready for your close-up. Eliminate all negatives and put your best self forward:

1. Clean body

2. Soft and smooth skin

3. Fresh breath

4. Clean hair

5. Well-groomed body hair

6. Manicured hands and feet

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Act II. Overcoming Obstacles

Setting the stage and making first, second, third (etc.) impressions are key. If you’ve had a late night out – like clubbing or just a very long date – you’ll need a refresher. As soon as you’ve hit the door, you should excuse yourself and take a shower. I cannot stress this enough. Don’t ‘hope for the best’. The memory of a funky ass won’t truly hit him until he’s either on his way home or ushering you out to yours. Do everything that you can to make the experience pleasurable. So, if a shower is needed (or it’s been more than 6 hours since you’ve had one), take one. Don’t think he’ll deem you as non-hygienic. He won’t. He’ll definitely appreciate the effort.

Now…ahem…unless you’re reading this overseas, most men don’t care for body hair or a full bush. Unshaven women may be perfectly fine for some cultures, castes or ‘boys in the hood’; but, if you’re hoping to snag an up-and-coming – or established – professional man, I strongly advise shaving the underarms and legs. The intimate area should be neat and trim; a bikini wax or a clean shave is a must.

Make sure you have clean and stylish hair. I’m always so surprised to see women out and on a date with a dirty do. I don’t get it. If you can’t wash your hair for some possible ass, who and what will make you wash it? Dirty, dry or greased, fried-from-the-curling-iron hair (or just plain dirty hair) is a non-negotiable.

As a reminder, Vaseline is not a moisturizer nor will it make your skin smooth. Invest in a proper moisturizing lotion or body butter.

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Act III. After the Climax

I strongly suggest that sleepovers be conducted at your home for the first few encounters. If you need to freshen up or shower, all the necessities will be at hand. However, if you should spend the night at his place, make sure you do not overextend your welcome and risk being pushed out the door. Until you have established that you two are an item, I would advise hot-tailing it out of there. But, by all means, be smooth about it. You don’t want to come off looking like a whore.

First, be sure you are the first to rise and take a shower. Second, wake him up with morning kisses. He’ll be happy he’s greeted with a mouth full of peppermint and whiffs of fields of wild flowers. Third, thank him for a wonderful evening and get the hell out of there. Be casual, light and always in motion – engaging in dressing, putting on earrings, rubbing his tummy, etc. – while you’re saying your good-byes:

“I had a great time last night.”

If he’s a gentleman, he’ll say he did as well. – “So did I.”

Smile. Pause.

“I gotta go; I have a ton of things to do, today. Call me later?” (Flirty, but not demanding or psycho.)

(Words on ‘call me later’: It flows with the conversation and a good segue to get you out the door. If he calls, he calls. If he doesn’t, move on.)

If he asks you to stay – again – be the first one up and the first one to shower. If he wants to sit in his dirty drawls all day, that’s on him (although we preferred he didn’t). You cannot. If you stay another evening without going home, shower before going to bed.

If he warrants a shower (i.e. he’s just gotten off the toilet and has the nerve to ask ‘for some’), invite him in with a promise of a warm and soapy hand job massage! You’ll be sure to be invited back!

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Related Topics:

They Ain’t Talking ‘Bout Me

Luxe Intimate Grooming for Women

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