Asking a girl for a dance, her number or a date must be hard for a man. I first realized this after reading this Far Side cartoon a few years ago. And since then, I have become very sensitive to men’s emotions and feelings and have treated them with the utmost respect during this grueling and sometimes confusing process called the mating dance.
Now, this post was originally going to be titled Pulling the Trigger, a how-to guide for men on how and when to approach women. However, in light of Wile E’s send-off experience this week, I decided to change course and write simple rules for women to assure positive experiences in the ‘pas de deux of love’ (or at the bare minimum – the pas de deux of ‘kicking it’).
At times, the mating dance can resemble failed military operations. Men can’t figure out when, where and how force shall be used to proceed. There they are in front of us, fumbling, trying to say the words or ask the question, but they just can’t seem to ‘pull the trigger’. As women, it is our duty to help them out. If we’re interested, we show them they can advance – without consequence – through words and body language. We face-off, smile, engage in conversation, maintain eye contact, lightly touch their arm or leg in conversation, or give them our telephone number if they should ask for it.
An example of a face-off…in better times…
If we are NOT interested, we let them know…nicely. There is no point in being mean or disrespectful. Not only is it bad form and unnecessary, it’s narcissistic. It makes no difference if he looks like Jerome from Martin. Always show respect.
It’s also not the time to lead men on or play games. Although it may give your ego a boost, move on or you’re surely pay for it later in life (or other women will). As Coco Chanel once said:
‘If a man talks bad about women, it usually means he was burned by one woman.’
Let’s all do our part and behave as evolved and adult women.
It is extremely important that you shut him down quickly and not give him ANY window of opportunity. There should be no doubt or confusion in your answer. ‘Sorry, I have a boyfriend. Thanks anyway!’ – works every time and in any situation. It should be said in a light and fluid cadence so you don’t offend him. But, whatever you do, if you’re in motion (like walking) keep moving. Being in constant motion shows him that you are serious. If you keep standing there in front of him, it creates doubt and confusion and he may think that’s his green light to proceed and press you to change your mind. If you’re sitting, like in a club, then politely turn away from him after ‘Thanks anyway!’
And speaking of clubs, if you DON’T want to be bothered then DON’T give him any energy: eye contact, smile, wave, conversation, face-off, etc. Or, worst yet, say you’re going to be back and not return – again, totally unnecessary.
Accepting a dance can be tricky. Be firm in letting him know you’re only interested in dancing with someone other than your girlfriend(s). ‘Just to let you know, I’m only interested in dancing’ – should do the trick. The onus is now on him.
Lastly, DO NOT give him your number if you do not plan on following through. Men know they will, from time to time, face rejection. Don’t think you’re being mean by turning him down. You’re not. You’re actually doing us women a favor by extinguishing the spite fire that builds up in men who encounter women who ‘play games on their phones’.
Men have feelings just like us so please…always show respect.
