Time to get it CRACKIN’–Friday, April 4th

Aiight footsoldiers, time to get this blog started. This is D B Cooper, I expect the rest of you cats to get your aliases together and post something ASAP!

I think its appropriate to kick this off reminiscing about Friday. Now there is a rite of spring passage for us at these streets and it went down this Friday. That would be after-work sets! Now, everyone knows that once spring comes around Friday’s after 5pm become significantly more wild. Anyway, Goldie locks and I decided we had to get out to these streets early on Friday and we were not disappointed. By the time we got to the spot it was PACKED, folks were out the game (OTG) and there was plenty of juking. Goldie locks and I were powered up and ready to go thanks to our portable dranks we had on the train. Usually, I’m all about warming-up by posting close to the dance floor and grabbing a drink or two (I probably shouldn’t say usually, cuz thats what I did this time too) but at my post position I was right in front of this grown brotha that was WILDIN’. When I say grown, I mean GROWN! This cat was juking all over the place with this young keige and just as I thought I had seen enough this fool dropped into the splits. Yes nyuks, the SPLITS!!

It was just too much, I was straight rollin’ but got myself together enough to break out the camera phone (I know you all are waiting for the real pics but I gotta get the cpu attachment for my phone first my b). Basically within 10 minutes I knew there were gonna be hella stories based off the night, so expect a long post fellas.

Obviously watching this grown man got Goldielocks and I fired up, we got some good hollas in and a few grab ups but at the first spot that grown man was the highlight. This is when come on feet commenced. We started floating from bar to bar and we were OTG, hollerin’ and grabbin’ up indiscriminately. Then we got the bright idea to go to another neck of the woods where Goldielocks peeps were chillin’. This was a TERRIBLE idea. First this spot had indoor beach volleyball and an indoor bball court with an 8 foot rim. I don’t know about the rest of you, but drinking and indoor sports don’t mix and Goldielocks proved this with his repeated jumpers that were coming up short. As we all know the combination of OTG and a whack spot usually leads to blown tabs. The patron shots were purchased by yours truly and this put Goldielocks over the edge to the point where it was time to bounce. As a warning this is when the night gets a little complicated. In between the patron shots and Goldielocks getting a little too OTG I received a call from a piece I met a couple of weeks back. I’m not going to drop that story quite yet because she got hella issues which is a blog post in and of itself, but this piece will from here on out be called ‘that pimp’ and for good reason.

So, that pimp offers to scoop us from the indoor gymnasium and that is always better than come on feet so we accept the ride. Now that pimp doesn’t have the type of whip you would expect a pimp to have but there was a lot of evidence to suggest that that pimp is in fact a pimp. There were multiple cell phones, I counted three and a portable credit card machine. But you may ask, didn’t you know this piece was on Eliot Spitzer type game D B Cooper? Well yes I did but its different until you actually see the tools of the trade and you see a pimp in action.

That pimp was making deals in the whip!!!!

I mean she took at least three separate appointments in 15 minutes. She was not disguising these cats as client-9 or anything like that, she wastaking credit card information and then calling the Ashley Dupre bustdowns and telling them when and where to meet these Eliot Spitzer’s. I was trying not to be on shocked open mouth game, but that pimp was working the hoe market like it was the stock market. Needless to say imma try and get a these streets discount

So that pimp, Goldielocks and myself ran up on one of these streets favorite spots. It was thirsty as usual, that pimp was still making hella deals even at the spot. Goldielocks was trying to convince folks he wasn’t OTG. This favorite spot has been thirstier in the past, but it was still a good showing. That pimp started to get a little OTG herself and we danced a bit, but she was terrible doing too much bouncing around and shit. For any pieces out there that may read this, please don’t bounce around on the dance floor like its a mosh pit, D B Cooper cannot stand that!!!

Anyway, I even have to admit I wasn’t that serious about smashing that pimp, it was just sensory overload with her making deals and the such. Luckily, that pimp wanted to chill somewhere else, so I let her go to re-focus on the respectable drunk pieces.

I told you all this was gonna be long its coming to a close, my b.

Once, that pimp bounced I ran across these three keiges. They were nurses and you know D B Cooper LOVES nurses! Anyway, to set the stage…. Nurse 1 pretty face no boot or keaves but smashable for sure. Nurse 2, MONSTER keaves. Nurse 3 was grown, 40 but with an ill boot. Now nurse 1 married, nurse 2 engaged, nurse 3 divorced and EXTRA THIRSTY. Fellas, gyot damn this nurse 3 was thirsty. She was posted up straight ice grillin’ dudes ready to pounce. She looked like a REAL cougar in that joint and every dude under 30 was like fresh bloody ass red meat. At one point she was slobbin’ a dude sooooo hard, but that fool fumbled like he was Tiki Barber trying to carry an extra greasy turkey in the rain.

Of course the combination of ill boot, grown and nurse was enough for me to forgo my usual trepidation over sloppy seconds. She was soooo ready y’all. Unfortunately she was with a clique of prudes who were not gonna let their friend go under any circumstances. But man that grown nurse had a good boot. For such a long post, I wish I coulda finished it with a I took that piece home and smashed, but that wouldn’t be keepin’ it true to the motto that these are true stories about these streets. So be prepared for a lot of stories to follow where cats come up SHORT!!

I got it started nyuks, so let’s go!!